Sunday, February 26, 2012

Live Blogging the Oscars - Follow Here!

Here's where the real magic will happen! We will be starting this smack-fest at 3pm PST to cover the E! Red Carpet, so be sure to come back by and visit then!!!

Back in Action- Ready for the Red Carpet

Hi Everyone! It's been AGES. I know. I'm sorry.

Quickish recap-
  • Graduated with an AA in Social and Behavioral Sciences. I think that means I am awesome. 
  • A week later I lost my job. I was bummed for about a day, but in the end it was all for the best. I hated myself there. That company sucks out your soul. 
  • Still in between jobs, but am temping at great places. 
  • Went through several issues with the kitten Raylan, he had bladder stones and the stresses of the surgery exacerbated a pre-existing dormant heart condition, so we now know he is living with Hypertrophic Cardio Myopathy. He is taking medications and doing great today!  
There, you're just about caught up. At least on all of the important issues. Now onto today's business...

It's OSCARS Sunday! Hollywood is going to be out in full force later today all glitzed and glammed up, vying for the golden naked man. I love watching and making fun of them all, but really, who doesn't? So why don't you follow me and my friend Jen this afternoon as we live-blog the telecast and the red carpet!? We have a CoverItLive event set up here at my blog, and over at hers as well! So tune in here or there at 3pm PST today for some snark and love for all of Hollywood!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Me at 25

Last Friday was my 25th birthday. I turned a quarter of a century old. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it is a landmark birthday that seems like it will take forever to get here, but now it's here and that's that.

Here's the thing though. When I was in 6th grade, our teacher had us do a project called Me at 25, where we had to make a scrapbook of our future lives up to age 25. I worked REALLY hard on that project and I still remember the vast majority of the details. I promise when I go back home in a few weeks, I will dig it out and we can contrast and compare, but for now, here is my memory only version of Me at 25.

Firstly, the rules of the project. Our teacher told us we HAD to be married and we HAD to have kids.

So I was.
To Matt Damon.
With 3 kids.

Let's compare this to my real life now shall we? I am not married to Matt Damon. I'm not married at all. I don't have kids. He's kept up his end of the deal, having 3 babies by the time I was 25, but they weren't with me.

I married Matt Damon because it was 1997 and Titanic had come out and to a 6th grade girl, Leo DiCaprio made for prime marriage material. So everyone in my class married Leo. I didn't want to marry Leo too, so I looked at other movies of the day and found myself drawn to the new comers from Boston. So Matt became the lucky guy that got to marry me by the time I was 25.

In my story of my life on my way to age 25, I lived quite an adventurous one. I was an actress, won an Emmy for some sitcom I was on, went to Boston University and got a Masters and found time to take up skiing at some point. I wasn't very good at it since that's how Matt and I met. I fell down a slope and he totally rescued me. Of course it was the usual love at first sight, blah blah blah, we got engaged a year after we met and married a year after that. I forget how old I was at this point, maybe 21? I remember thinking I didn't want to be married before I was 21 since I wanted to be able to drink at my wedding. HA! The things that were important to my 6th grade brain.

We got married on a yacht in England. Seriously. I don't know what or why I was thinking what I was. Time went on and we had 3 kids, a girl, then twins- a boy and a girl. I don't remember their names. But I'm sure they were entirely embarrassing. I want to say I named one Celine. YES because of the stupid Titanic song! UGH. 1997 was a terrible year to be planning my future. We had 4 cars, one was a New Beetle, because it truly was new back then, I think one was a Passport, and I forget the others. We had lots of homes, on each coast, you know, since he's from Boston. And that was basically it. At least what I can remember.

For the project we had to make a scrapbook, so I spent HOURS going thru so many catalogs and magazines to find the best pictures, and the same model who was supposed to be me at 25. It was a hefty project, but it was fun.

That is, until I actually turned 25. Turns out I don't have a Masters. I didn't go to BU. I'm not an award winning actress. Matt Damon didn't Borne my Identity. (pretend that makes sense). I don't have kids, but honestly, I'm not stressing over that! No multi coast homes, no New Beetle.

So much of my 25 years of life imagined in my head stayed up there. But that's ok. I think despite that, I've had a much better trip to 25 in the real world than I did in the scrapbook world. The one thing that made me feel really old when I turned 25 was watching Beauty and The Beast. My all time favorite Disney movie, it was re-released, just in time for my birthday, and I of course got it. In the beginning, the narration explains that The Beast has until his 21st birthday to break the curse. TWENTY FIRST!!!!! Beast is not all young!!! Beast was older and handsome! Not some 20 year old kid! Oh well, I guess when I was 6, 21 was old.

And now it seems so young.

Growing up is hard.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Thank You All

Hi Gang,

It's been ages, I know. I've failed at being a good blogger who updates her stuff on any sort of consistent basis. You should see the drafts section of the blog, it's FULL of posts about nails, kittens, cars, life, etc. I just have been too all over the place in the non cyber world to put down all of my thoughts cohesively to present them to you. Right now it's like:

I like pretty colors. Did you know you can put pretty colors on your fingernails with special fingernail paints? I have 100 colors of pretty for nails. NAILS PRETTY!


New kittens are playful! WHO KNEW!?!

Yeah, it's pretty much like a caveman drawing. Which would actually be this:

I'm not even going to attempt to draw kittens. The hand was hard enough. I digress...

I promise new content coming soon, I'm a terrible procrastinator, which bodes well for you all because it's midterms time, so what better to do than update my blog when I should be studying for health! Yup, that's happening right the moment! YAY!

But the real reason I wanted to put up a new post is to say THANK YOU to you guys. I've had several people tell me that they really liked my writing and how much my posts about Zamo moved them. You can't possibly begin to understand how much that means to me. I don't have a college degree (I'm working on it tho!) and I've always felt like something of a failure for having to drop out and work full time to support myself. I've always loved writing and it's been something I've considered myself good at. So to have people like you guys tell me that I AM good at it, well it fuels my fire to finish that degree and do something with it. My heart swells with pride and joy from your lovely comments here or on Twitter and I honestly don't know how to say thank you enough for the love.

But as a start, here's my promise that I will do everything in my power to at least post something once a week! This one doesn't count, so hopefully I'll have something to put up for you all soon! Besides, I do have a film midterm tomorrow, I'm sure I can get a lot of procrastinating done then!

I love you all, thank you for reading my words.


Friday, July 30, 2010

Rainbow Bridge

Zamo and I's first hour together.

Our last hour together

This post will be short because it is extremely sad and we have covered the majority of the situation already.

On July 20th, 2010, Zamo lost his battle with renal failure. When I came home the night of the 19th and found him in the bathroom with water soaking him (probably his fluids that had leaked) and no strength left, barely enough to even get in and out of the small ledge of the shower, I feared that we had reached the point in treatment where enough was enough and there was nothing left to be done except set him free.

I sat with him all night and petted him and told him how much I loved him and how much joy and happiness he had brought me. I wrote him a letter, telling him how the moment he came into my life, I felt a cloud of sadness fall away and how he always made the sun shine on my face. When morning came, I struggled with the thought that this was the last time we would spend a morning together, that this was his last sunrise. I begged myself and God to please let his medicine get here and for it to be able to work instantly and make his anemia go away and give him back his strength and let me be with my baby longer. In the back of my mind and in my heart, I knew that the medicine wouldn't help him, it would only temporarily alleviate the weakness he was suffering from because of the extreme anemia and that it wouldn't start working for about 3 days after we started giving it to him. And worst of all, I knew that it was nothing but selfish of me to try to keep poking and prodding him with vitamins and medicines that would only prolong my time with him, not his enjoyment of life.

We called the doctor and the hardest decision I've ever had to make was made. At 5pm, we would make our way to the office to let Zamo end his suffering. I spent the day with Zamo, lying with him wherever he wanted to be, even taking him outside to lie in the sun and enjoy the outdoors one last time. Our vet is extremely caring and was very understanding with how hard this was for us and made sure that we were able to stay with Zamo for as long as we needed to. Zamo seemed to know why we were there. He seemed more at peace. I held my baby and rocked him and told him how special he is and how much he will always be so close to my heart and how much I love him. The doctor gave him a medicine to relax him and let him sleep and I held my baby while I felt him fall asleep. I held him when he got the final injection and I held him even after I felt his heart stop beating. I couldn't let him go.

It's been over a week now since we said goodbye and it's still so hard to think about losing someone so special and someone who made my life so amazing. The next morning, I woke up to the feeling of him jumping up on the bed and walking up it to my face, like he used to do every morning before he got sick. I was so happy, I opened my eyes and expected to find a purring little face next to mine, ready to lick my nose. But when he wasn't there, I was crushed. That whole morning routine of getting ready for work was impossibly sad. Going into the bathroom and not seeing his shadow appear outside the door, not having him come in and rub against my legs, then jump up onto my lap while I tried to use the toilet, not having to fight him off the toilet paper, all things I wished so much I was doing. Instead I sat on the toilet, hugging a roll of toilet paper and cried.

The more I think about feeling Zamo on the bed that morning, the more I realize that he WAS really there, he was coming to me in spirit and telling me that I made the right decision and that he was happy and free of his suffering and that when the time was right, we would be together again because our love was strong and everlasting. I knew it was ok for me to be so sad, but that I should be happy that I was able to give him such a peaceful and love filled crossing. He was not in pain, he was not hurt, he was not scared, he was surrounded by love and was very much at ease. It was certainly the best way for this sort of thing to happen.

I'm sorry to bring sadness to this silly place, but this is the story of my life and Zamo will always play a big role in it. I miss you little buddy, I always will. You made me complete when I was in pieces. I can't ever thank you enough for that.

R.I.P. Zamo
April 27th, 2008 - July 20, 2010

Saturday, July 17, 2010


I know we have done a Zamo post before, but this one is special. Please bear with me as I probably won't be articulate enough to explain everything correctly.

About 2 weeks ago, Zamo started to neglect his food and sleep in weirder placed. He's done this before, especially when the weather changes. Unfortunately, we live in an apartment that doesn't have central air, only the hotel room box style AC in the living room. 10 out of 12 months a year, this isn't really much of an issue, Irvine has a beautiful climate and we live very close to a lake so we get nice nighttime breezes. But in July and August, it's insanely hot.

So when Zamo wasn't eating much, I assumed it was because it was getting to be insanely hot and that he was just adjusting to how to deal with the heat. Then I started to notice that he was dropping weight pretty rapidly and that he wasn't getting better. That's when Boyfriend and I decided it was time to go to the vet and find out what was wrong. I'd done some research and found that his symptoms seemed to suggest he may be diabetic. So when we went into the doctor's office and he showed concern over the size of Zamo's kidney's, I was shocked and even more worried.

A day later after blood work analysis had come in, the bad news hit me: Zamo's kidney's were failing. His creatinine levels were at 4.9, they should usually be in the 1's. We were lucky they were still below 5, as anything above that is severe failure. He was also anemic, at about 20%, and his potassium levels were bad as well. Suddenly options like blood transfusions, ultrasounds, hospitalization, and other scary things were being told to me as to what needed to happen.

Shocked, I knew the first thing to do was to get him into the hospital to start receiving IV fluids and antibiotics. The first day he stayed in the hospital, the doctor said he responded well to the treatments and to bring him back the next day. He had to wear a cone and had an IV catheter in his leg. My sweet baby was so happy to be out of the hospital and he came home and ate and ate. I was so happy to see him returning to a somewhat normal self. He went back for a second full day in the hospital and when I came to pick him up, they told me he'd done even better and that he was free to go home for the weekend. They preferred if he started to decline, that we take him to a 24hr ER hospital, but he should be fine at home. We came back the next day to go over his last blood work recheck and saw that his anemia and his potassium levels had gotten slightly better, but that his creatinine levels had not changed. This was concerning. However, since you "treat the cat, not the numbers" and he had been acting better, they decided it would be best for us to learn to give him subcutaneous fluids at home and oral antibiotics over the weekend. We learned how to use the IV bag and how to properly change needles and how to make sure he got the right dosage. If you have never had to do this, I pray you don't, as it is so scary to have to turn your living room into a mini hospital for your loved one. Especially a four legged loved one. You have to find somewhere that's high enough to hold the bag up so you can get the fluids to drip correctly, you have to make sure to keep your needles and bags sterile, make sure you poke them correctly. Everything about it is scary and so hard to think that you might have to do this for the rest of their lives if they don't get better.

We kept this up for about a week, giving him the fluids and oral antibiotics and things seemed to be moving forward. He got up into bed with us, tore down some toilet paper, ate more regular food, everything seemed to be getting better. We went back to the doctor for one more blood recheck and the doctor said that how he was acting seemed to indicate he would be getting better. Then the doctor called back the next day with his retest results. His creatinine had sky rocketed to 13.7, more than doubling in a week and very much past the 5.0 level of "severe". His anemia was worse, down to 16%, which is where they would start recommending blood transfusions. He was not getting better, he was not going to get better, and we need to make the most of the approximate month we had left together.

I begged and pleaded that there has to be something we can do, he's only 2, he should not be getting problems like this! The doctor was very understanding and seemed almost as upset as I was that it had not been the infection we thought we were dealing with and it was something much worse. We couldn't do much else at this point, an ultrasound would be out last attempt to try to look at the kidneys and see what they looked like, if he had cancerous cysts, something that could be genetic or if there was anything else we had missed. However, the ultrasound would not change the prognosis. The doctor described it as a Hail Mary, but was not optimistic it would change much of anything. The blood work showed that I was going to lose my baby boy. After speaking with my family and to Zamo, we all made the decision to not subject him to more tests and stress and instead to try to make him as happy and as comfortable at home for the rest of his time with us.

So here I am, still shocked and incredibly heartbroken that this beautiful sweet baby kitty who I love with more than my entire heart is going to have to go to heaven much too soon in his life. Zamo is absolutely the sweetest cat, with all the best quirks that make him so special.
He loved to help me around the house. Whether it was cleaning the toilets, doing the dishes or vacuuming, he followed me around and sat right next to me when I did this.
Every morning when I would get up and go to the bathroom, he would come running in from where ever he was and jump up on my lap. I didn't mind sitting on the stupid toilet for 10 minutes because that whole time, he purred and rubbed against me and tried to eat my hair and licked my hands. It was our time.
When he was a baby, he would climb up on my bed with me and sleep on the upper half of my pillow then he would always wake up with my alarm and bound down across my face to make sure I knew he was up and it was time for me to get up too. He never woke me up early, he was content to lie with me in bed and wait until my Blackberry alarm went off, then he would get up, stretch out and walk up to my face where I was trying to read emails and bite the sides of the Blackberry.
He always knew when I was supposed to be home from work, and everyday, he was always there, waiting for me at the front door. He always got up and came over and rubbed my legs and told me how much he loved me and how much he would love it if I would open the windows for him to look out.
He is everything to me. It destroys me to see him not his usual self, even if he's not hurting, it's still not fair. I'm so angry with God for doing this to us. He's just a baby! He doesn't deserve to have any of this hurt in his life. He deserves to live for 20 more years and to be happy and playful and helpful and funny and oh so sweet for all of them. I would give anything to help him and make him better.

The only solace I have is that 2 years ago, a tiny baby kitten walked into my life and we changed each other's lives for the better in so many different ways. We saved each other, we loved each other when there was no one else around to love us. I wouldn't give up my last 2 years with him and all of the love and joy he has brought me to take away the hurt in my heart now. When his time comes, and I pray that it will be a long time from now, I will lose a huge piece of my heart and soul. But I would never trade all of the love and all of the time we've shared to not lose that piece. I don't think he would either.

I'm sorry that I haven't posted in a while, I've had some great things happen in my life and wanted to share them with you all, but now is not the time. Please go hug your furry babies and tell them how much you love them and make sure they know that they are so special to you. I've got to go spend some cuddle time with mine.

Monday, June 14, 2010



That was not a fun quake. The last big one we had was rolling, lasted like 30 seconds, but was like riding a wave. This one was jolty and shaky, not at all smooth. I wasn't born in California and I've not exactly grown up with earthquakes, nor have I been through a very big one, and I hope I don't ever have to be. So I don't handle them with the most grace.

This time I was sitting here on the couch typing the last post and putting on a base coat on my nails at the same time. You never really know when you're feeling an earthquake or if you're just feeling a phantom quake when you're me, so when I started to feel all shaky, I wondered if I was just smelling too many fumes from the nail polish. Then it got jolty. Then I spread myself out as if making myself wider would do any good, but didn't really move. More like I just braced myself against the air. I always say stupid shit like "YEAH! It's happening!" like someone asked me if I was feeling an earthquake a the moment. I can't explain my logic of my earthquake readiness, but that's what I did.

This one lasted about 15 seconds and was on and off jolty. It almost warranted a move under a doorway since I don't have any tables except a glass one that I would never trust to save me in a quake, but I had an open bottle of nail polish and didn't want to have to clean that up if it didn't really end up being something major. Thankfully it wasn't, everyone is fine and Boyfriend is very Gen Kill looking right now.

Please come back Twitter, the world is ending without you...

The Time Twitter Broke When I Started Dating Larry David

Twitter is currently a big fucking whale of annoyance and so I cannot tweet to the world the mass panic that is occurring in my life as we speak.

Today Boyfriend came home from work with a bag full of goodies. Canvas drop cloth, milk, dinner and clippers. Like the kind you use on men for cutting their hair. I assumed he wanted to use it for touch ups. No. He wants to use it for shaving his head. He's outside on the pitch black porch right now messing around with it and shaving off his hair. He's basically going to look exactly like Larry David when he's done, since no hair = Larry David.

I feel like I brought this on myself. Just this weekend, as I was driving up to Santa Cruz, I found myself thinking how much I hated it when my last boyfriend decided to start messing around with his look. He tried to dye his dark brown hair blonde and it ended up orange. He LOVED his orange hair. I hated it. With a passion. As I remembered this painful memory, I thought to myself, boy I'm glad Boyfriend doesn't mess around with his nice hair. Sometimes it gets a little long, but otherwise it's mostly fine...

Now look at me.


Sunday, May 30, 2010


Good news! Boyfriend is home! YAY! Excited!! Zamo is really happy.

Bad news. He forgot my present!!! BOO! Sad.

More later, we are going car shopping soonish.

Boyfriend Comes Home in 12 Hours!

He says he super misses me. Who can blame him?! Now I just need to make myself look pretty like I do in his mind. I'm pretty sure it's not like I do above. Not hot Kallie.

I told him that I miss him and the fact that he keeps me on my toes all the time and since he's been gone, my toes have been firmly planted. That's pretty fucking romantic right?

I think so too.